We are now an official Certified Secure Facility for IT Business. Tech Support |
- We are now an official Certified Secure Facility for IT Business.
- Why won't my F%&$%& internet turn on?!
- How did she even get our number?
- Wonder why it's slow?
| We are now an official Certified Secure Facility for IT Business. Posted: 31 Jan 2020 11:58 AM PST $Boss: The Boss. Newly Promoted and eager to show off what he can do $Me: Me of course. $NewHire: A new hire that wants to meet HR to start the initial hiring interviewing Process. English is not my first language, yadda yadda, not on mobile. Now to the story: ---- 4 Months ago: Boss: "It is important that you all read this booklet and we will be holding another important meeting with a powerpoint presentation." Internally am I already groaning and wonder if I can hang myself with the cat5 cable running from under my desk without disturbing my collegues internet. Silly me. Of course I can. It will still transmit at at least 95%. Boss: "This presentation is mandatory and will take around 2 hours where you do not have to take calls. We will do it in groups of 5. Afterwards you will be mailed said presentation. Read it every day. Its important." Great, that means even more work for the others while we are getting this stupid presentation drilled into our heads. Its not as if aren't already lacking people to actually take the calls. My Boss keeps on droning and talking, but I have already written down the most important part. I have to be there and we get it in copy, so I can read it on my own later and only have to pretend to pay attention to yet another boring powerpoint presentation. Cue the day of the presentation: - Always log out your user when you are not at your work place. - Lock your PC with Windows + L. when you leave your place. - Do not leave important documents laying around near your desk. - If you absolutely have to take confidential notes, shred them in the shredder in the breakroom (Which still has to be installed but will be there soon), at the end of the day and do not throw them into the trash. - Lock the lockers that are standing under your desk when your shift ends. - Do not leave your phone unattended and unlocked. - Wear your badge visible so you can be identified as a trusted employee of us. - Visitors need to be escorted by at least 1 person on the floor and they always have to be at their side. - Visitors receive special badges to anounce their status as a Visitor with name and Corporation they belong to. Can you fit this into 2 hours? No. It was two and a half because he kept talking on about how important this was and important the oncoming certificate was. For me all these things seemed just perfectly normal, but that is just me. 3 Months ago: Boss: "Now, we will get a visit by the people responsible for the Certificate, so I thought it would be a good idea to refres-" Ohnononononono. Please do not say it Boss, "The security guidelines. It is very important that we do so, because if we do not show our A game here, the two hundred thousand we paid to get the certificate review, will be wasted." Is this Hell? Did I die and is this my punishment? And if not, can I at least have this counted as some sort of penance when I end down there? Boss: "But since we have a high call volumen we will have to do this at a later time, so, around three PM when there will be less calls." I raise my hand, "Boss?" Boss: Yes? Me: Do we get overtime for that? Boss: Why? Me: My shift ends at Two Thirty, and if judging by the last presentation we had, it took you around two and a half hours for it to finish... Hence, do I get overtime? Boss: Well, it won't take that long! Me: But I still won't get paid? Boss: Its a security presentation for the comp- Me: Well, send me the presentation again. I got a Doctors appointment anywho, so I can't take part in it. Silently I add: Even if I wanted to, which I do not. Boss is silent for a few minutes and then speaks up, "Can you not reschedule it?" Me: I am sorry, this is not reschedulable. I had this appointment planned for more than 6 months and put it so that it is outside of my working hours. This is as far as I can accomodate you boss. But I can not reschedule it. Boss: Are you sure? Me: Boss. I am sure. I need to get this scar checked ever so often or it might close up in a way that will cause it to go septic. No one wants that. That makes him quiet down and just accept that I can not attend another presentation. The next day I ask how long it took: Three hours. I am left wondering: HOW?! 2 Months ago: Boss: I am proud to say that the people were very happy with us and that we have the official certificate. Congratulations everyone. We are now an Official Certified Facility for IT. This will allow us to take on many more lucrative contracts, as only a few other companies have such a certificate. Everyone: Hooray. Boss: But it is important to remember that we also practice what we preach because we could loose the certification. And then all the money and all the work would be down the drain. And since our contracts are hinging on them, we really can't afford to do so. Last Week: Me: "Yes, I got your authenficiation Ma'am. And with that I have set your password to XYZ123. You will be asked to change it once you login. Your password needs to contain three of the four following bits: Capital letters, lower case letters, numbers, and special operators such as an exclamation mark. Costumer: So a password like Mike2020! would be acceptable? Me: Not this one, because you just told it to me and its no longer secure, but something along those lines would work, yes. Just make it longer, Sixteen letters are the maximum, so think of some simple phrase and then add the required extra stuff. Works better, is more secure, and easier to remember. In the background I hear a knock from the door leading to the IT cubicles but pay it no further mind. Me: "Also please keep mind that you can not, I repeat, can not, use two letters in your name for your password. That is very important." Costumer: Thank you dear. Me: Not an issue at all. I hear the door buzzer going off in the background after another knock on the door. Me: Anything else I can help you with? Costumer: No, this is plenty already, thank you so much. Me: Just doing my job! She hangs up, I get my two minutes of respite after finishing a call and grab my bottle of water to sate my thirst. Unfortunately its empty, so I have to lug my ass around my coworkers empty chair, get out of the cuble and office, and walk down the hallway to a small room that has been deemed as an Employee area, where we store the water and can have our breaks and not sit in front of our computer screens. On my way back a Lady in an office attire crosses my path and looks all to curious, and dismayed, into the various offices and cubicles. With nothing better to do I approach her. Me: Can I help you? $NewHire: Yes actually. I am looking for HR. I point upwards. Me: Two floors higher above us. You are in the IT apartment. $NewHire: Oh! Thanks, sorry for the hassle. I just read the company name on the sign and... Me: I know. It doesn't say IT. Happens. I escort her back to the door, wait until the door is closed, and turn around and stare at the half closed door straight opposite of the entry door where the Lady just walked out of. With no badge, or ID, or anything else. Me: Boss?! I am having ahard time not yelling at the door in front of me, and in turn, at my boss. Boss: Yes? Me: Did you just open the door? Boss: Yeah. Someone was knocking there and I let them in. Who was it? Me: New hire for the seventh floor. Presumably. Boss: Then all is good! Me: Boss. You can't just let people in like that. At least check who it is and welcome them. Boss: I was busy. I stare at the big fucking sign hanging right next to the Boss Office, while we are still talking through the half closed door. - No Cameras or Mobile phones. Sensitive Data Alert! - Visitors need to be supervised. - Always carry your ID visibly with you. Me: Whatever you say, Boss. This happend not just once. Not twice. Not thrice. I have lost track of how often it has happened. ---- Another trip to get some more water early in the morning. I got my little break and am happily eating some Bread I took with me from, because the cafeteria was closed, and head straight to the Break Room only to come to a grinding halt. Some guy is sitting there at the table, a router patched into the network and tapping away at his laptop patched to the router. He doesn't even look up at me when I enter. And worst never in my life have I have seen this guy at this company. I grab my water and head out to my boss' office down the hallway. Me: Boss?! Boss: Yes? Me: Who is that sitting in our Break room? And why is he patched into the company Network?! Boss: Oh that is the Company IT guy. He is from another Remote Office and is just here to check our network? Me: ... Did we have any issues with it lately? Boss: Its just a costumary check. I can feel my brain grinding to a halt. It hurts just to think about it. Me: Whatever you say, Boss. Again I look at the huge sign. No ID. Not supervised. Not even a mail that he'd be there. Nothing at all. Yep. We are a Secure Facility indeed. I take a deep sip of my water and wish I could turn it to wine. Maybe then things would be more managable. [link] [comments]  |
| Why won't my F%&$%& internet turn on?! Posted: 31 Jan 2020 08:31 PM PST Me: Me. Boss: Recently promoted Boss who wants to show off his skills. Coworker: Coworker of mine who sits near me and is relevant to the story as he too was involved. Project #1: A long time Project that has been the company's business for the last years, which has been up and down sized ever so often, but which is a shitshow of the highest degree. Project #2: A well paying project from a company who insisted on secure work environment and a seperate network for security reasons. Project#2 was the equivalent of a Golden Goose as there was not much work that needed to be done and paid really well. There is an old joke in Russia that is about two Generals and a requisition officer. General #1s car won't turn on but the Req officer tells him he will fix it in a day. Come the next day and General#1 is presented with his car. He doesn't believe that his car could be fixed so quickly, but as he gets in and starts the engine, is he positively surprised. It does work! Somewhere in the distance you hear yelling of General#2: WHY WONT MY CAR F%&%% TURN ON?! You will see how this is relevant later. --- Boss: I am sorry $Me, but we have to move you from Project#2 to Project #1. There is just not enough to do for 7 people in this project and Project #1 is in desperate need for more experienced people. I am very well aware of that. I have been working in Project#1 for the better half of my career since I started working for this company. I was one of the first they had hired for the Project, and I am the last one of the original team of 10 that they had hired for this. The rest are gone to greener pastures, or have been fired. Technically, I am the most Senior on this Project. All the issues that only crop up once a year from $ProgramYouNeverHeardOff? I've seen them and knew what to do. But I don't want to. I already had a nervous breakdown because of redundant policies and pure idiocy of the company. Unfortunately I do not get a say and my suggestion to be assigned to other projects has been met with 'They are already filled to their capacity and are not in need of additional work force' and finally finished with 'There are no other projects, its either this or we take it as insubordination and write you up'. What a nice work enviroment. I fortunately do not have to unplug or move my gear. But when I try to access the websides and citrix for the Project #1 I only get 'You are not connected to the internet' and get to play a happy dinosaur jumping around in the desert. I trace the cable down to the box. Yes, its plugged in. Me: Can I lend your internet cable for a moment? Coworker: Sure. Just let me finish this call. I meanwhile get to play with the Dinosaur again and reach around 200 points before dying. Yep, when I use his internet connection things work. Then I plug in my cable in his computer. It doesn't work for him either. So its probably some internal routing and, oh right, secure net for Project#2 and since I now try to access stuff outside of Project#2 it won't work. Me: Boss, you need to plug me into a different port on the rack so I can work. I can't access the internet. I already tried it with another cable from coworker and with this one I can acess the net. Boss: Are you sure? Me: I am pretty damn sure. Boss: Have you tried rebooting the computer? Sometimes that helps. What are you? Tech Support?! I mean, technically we are, but come on! Me: No. Sadly are the walls not thick enough to withstand bashing my head against them and I might accidentally access the server room through them if I do it hard enough, so I control myself. Me: My bottom floor tank port is 38-D. Please just check the server rack, or let me check it, and plug me into the Corporate network again. Boss: You know that you are not allowed in there and only I have access and am allowed to do changes there. Me: This is why I came to you. I head back to my desk and keep the dinosaur jumping and manage to get a score of 305 until eventually there is a knock at the door and my boss peeps in. Boss: I just changed something. Go ahead and check if you can connect now. I refresh the browser tab. Me: Nope, nothing yet. Boss: Keep at it. You are definitely plugged into the correct network now. And he vanishes like a ghost in the rain again while I ever so often hit refresh and listen to the support call of Coworker. Suddenly there is a message popping up 'You are connected to the network' and I am actually transfered to google. I cheer out and my coworker smiles at me while finishing his call. Coworker: Finally got internet again? Me: Yes. And it only took what? 2 hours? He chuckles lightly and keeps typing away on the web Ticket interface and sends his ticket off. Or actually he doesn't. Suddenly he gets a message: There was a problem accessing the website. You are no longer connected to the internet. Coworker: What the fuck? Me: What? Coworker: Now I no longer have internet. Me: You know what they say, there can only be one. Coworker: Yeah. Now your issue has jumped over to... me. In this moment we both have a sudden realization and we just stare at shock in each other when two people have the very same thought, but both dismiss it as improbably, but also horrifying enough that it could be true. Me: Do you think...? Coworker: No. I mean. That... That would be... That. Me: I will ask him. Coworker: I'll come along. So we march ourselves down to our Boss office door and knock. Me: Boss. Good news and bad news. Good news, I got internet now. Boss: Thats great! Coworker: Bad news, I no longer do and just lost a ticket because of that. Boss: Are you sure its not a temporary outage? Both: It worked fine just before you did something. Can you check up on the rack and.. We keep arguing and eventually it is revealed that Boss just randomly patched a cable on the rack so that I'd have access. And when I say random I mean random. There is no documentation which cable is patched into what outlet and is assigned to which net and port, and it looks straight out of Techgore. Whose responsibility is it to Document it? His. I short, he took out Coworker connections and instead gave it to me. Eventually we both have internet working again, but by then is it already time for our scheduled Lunch Break and Coworker walks with me as to get some fresh air and not commit murder. Not that I could Blame him. [link] [comments]  |
| How did she even get our number? Posted: 31 Jan 2020 06:05 AM PST I was recently reminded of a strange 'wrong number' call I had years ago. I previously worked for a third party software software support company. We were pretty versatile. Anything from cleaning up OST files, XKVBA macros, lotus notes support, registry cleans, etc. I'm most cases, anything not specifically related to on house network privileges we could do. Slight background. Some clients wouldn't allow us to day we were third party. Mostly to placate emoloyees who were against outsourcing to other countries even though we were all US based. All of our support numbers were only known by employees of said clients. For privacy let's call this specific client 'Babies B We' Partiess: me, confused customer/CC. Me: Thank you for calling Babies B We support desk, can I have your name or express code please? CC: Yes I just bought a cradle and I would like to return it. Me: I'm sorry, what? This is the employee help line for Babies B We. CC: Well I just want to know how I can't get my refund. Are you not the support for Babies B We? Me: This is a private number for the support of employees of Babies B We, we only provide tech support for employees . If you need help for returns or exchanges you would need to either contact the store you bought it from or corporate. CC: OH. OK. click. I still have no clue how she got our number. None of our support agents would have given it to her so I assume she has a friend who worked at a store that directed her to us. As I said our number was only known by client employees so I can't think of any other reason. Edit: a word [link] [comments]  |
| Posted: 31 Jan 2020 02:34 PM PST I used to work IT at the local community college. One time pretty soon after I started working there, I got a ticket for a slow computer. I went over to the staff member's office to check it out. He had so many USB devices that he actually had to daisy-chain USB hubs to get them all plugged in (he couldn't be bothered to use the ports on the back end). We're talking 4 external hard drives, 5 USB memory sticks, 2 printers, and a scanner, in addition to his mouse and keyboard, which were the only devices using rear ports. Apparently, he HAD to have all of them plugged in at the same time. I called my boss up and explained the situation. Turns out, he (staff guy, not boss) had put in a lot of requests for new devices by saying the ones he had weren't working properly or didn't have the functionality he wanted. He also kept requesting new USB hubs, which were just handed to him with the expectation that he'd toss the old, broken, one. Well, he had a hub in both of his front USB ports, each of which had another hub plugged into it, with one of THOSE having another hub. On my boss's authority, I confiscated all the external drives, all the hubs, and the extra printer (the thumb drives were his, so I couldn't do anything about them). When I got back to my workstation, I broke out a new external drive, with about double the capacity of all 4 of his old ones combined. I repartitioned this with 4 virtual drives and copied his data from the old to the new, keeping the files separated as he had. I brought this new drive back to his office and plugged it, the printer, and the scanner into the free USB slots in the back. So now he has both front ports free, and his computer is back up to normal speed. 10 minutes after I get back to my workstation, a ticket comes in. Yup, it's from him, requesting a hub. I denied it, putting the procedure for safely ejecting a thumb drive in the rejection notes, and suggesting that he get used to doing that if he insisted on having so many of them. I wish I could say that was the end of it, but he turned out to be a royal PITA, with constant computer issues. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention he's a Ph.D. [link] [comments]  |
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