Encyclopædia Moronica: D is for Daisy Chains Tech Support |
- Encyclopædia Moronica: D is for Daisy Chains
- Don’t mess with the architect who goes to your board meetings
- One of my teachers asked if I could help one of their friends with tecc support for their computer
- Sure, they'll listen to you crying on the phone....
- "The projector doesn't work because I don't know how to change my computer's display settings." "The speaker doesn't work because I don't know where the volume knob is."
- I'm the tech support now
- My keyboard is typing emojis!
- When a customer finally does what you asked!
- Yum, Umlaut
- Why are you asking so many questions? Just fix it!!
- Giving an old guy a heart atack
- PSU palava
- I became tech support at a local rec center despite only basic knowledge of computers.
- The sound is bad, what could the reason be?
| Encyclopædia Moronica: D is for Daisy Chains Posted: 30 Jan 2020 07:57 PM PST Somewhere, the sun shines on an idyllic meadow. A golden-haired child sits in her summer dress under a floppy hat, collecting flowers from the field and stringing them into long strands that she wears as necklaces. The girl will take them home and give one to her mother to wear, which will remind her of the happy times of her own childhood, when she sat in a sunny field in a floppy hat and made daisy chains of her own. I've previously mentioned that one of my customers had their own internal support staff, and that he had recently departed for greener pastures.[1] While he wasn't the greatest technician I ever had the joys of working with, he was at least partially competent - he was learning scripting, and he could stand up a fresh Windows VM and use it to create a golden image with almost no hand holding. [1] Greenness of new pastures not guaranteed. No real, imagined, or implied warranties exist regarding quality of the new pastures experience. I met his replacement.
Sure enough, as we stepped into what constituted the combination staging area/workshop/technical office/storeroom/meeting room/broom closet, I was greeted by piles of equipment - some fairly old, some relatively new, all of it filthy and none of it sorted with any visible semblance of order.
With a distinct lack of ceremony, I deposited the box of new equipment on top of the most stable-looking pile.
As luck would have it, I'm one of the few people in this part of the country both certified and experienced in {X}, so to answer 'Yes' would be a massive understatement.
A quick glance showed me the problem.
For a brief moment, an image of a golden haired girl flashed through my mind.
Headache rapidly growing, my eyes followed his pointing finger...
NT delved into a nearby cupboard, from which he produced a cardboard box, overflowing with random cables. I half-heartedly picked at the box, extracting a DisplayPort to mini DisplayPort cable, which was no good to us at all.
I squeezed my eyes closed. The headache wasn't fading.
I climbed back into my company vehicle, somehow aged a decade in the hour I'd been in the building, and rubbed my eyes in a vain attempt to dispel my headache. I also spent a few moments seriously questioning the customer's hiring policies. I punched the button on the hands free kit as I pulled out of the parking lot and called SalesGuyNotAppearingInThisTale. If I was going to have teach this guy how to be a useful technician, he'd need to get me an open-ended Purchase Order - starting two hours ago. Somewhere, the sun continued to shine on an idyllic meadow... [link] [comments]  |
| Don’t mess with the architect who goes to your board meetings Posted: 30 Jan 2020 07:22 PM PST I'm a solutions architect. Working for an MSP in London. Specialising in infrastructure. Did the t1,2,3 Helpdesk stuff previously and now we're here. Usually I shouldn't / wouldn't deal with end user issues. Any how. I build a variety of different systems for different businesses. Flavour of the moment is cloud and specifically iaas it seems. A lot of the time I present to executive level and attend board meetings as they spend the money. From what I can tell they like and trust me. So I tend to speak to end users like they work for me but not disrespectfully. So anyway this company was moved to the 'cloud' a few months back and my engineers are having hell with some old bat at some finance firm working on sage. Sage release updates to the data service and application which need applying every so often. Some users have access to do this specific function in this environment as they have a complicated support contract with us and sage. So this woman had decided to run a sage server update during bau and had basically locked out the database connection causing everyones sage to crash and she's going absolutely mental at the tier 2. I offer to take it off them as I know the C suite very well, but I don't know her. Anyway she starts berating me because I told her that this isn't likely to come back and I'm going to have to kill her sage application. She goes mental that she's been typing this shit into here all day and it's going to be lost and it'll be my fault, shell report me to her manager. I can still scroll on the screen and see that basically she's done fuck all other than waste time and enter about 20 rows of data with about 5 columns in So I screen shot the entries she's done. My resolution, I say this in a calm but obviously focused tone to get my point across. We call it reading between the lines in the UK "ok here's what I'm going to do, I've screen shotted the entries you typed in. I'm going to force close sage, then I'm going to reopen it and I reckon it'll take me 5 minutes to re enter these for you. I'll paste the screenshot into an email and send to you and cc 'CFO' in here so he's aware of what's occurred as we don't want to lose your days work and get in trouble" As soon as she realised not only is her fuck up going to be exposed but her 'days work' would be also. Her tone instantly changed to that of "oh don't you worry about this dear, I'll just have to deal with it, hope you have a good day" The tier 2 was looking at me with a big grin. He closes the ticket. Gold star. Hah [link] [comments]  |
| One of my teachers asked if I could help one of their friends with tecc support for their computer Posted: 30 Jan 2020 04:22 PM PST So to start off here's a little background I spend half my day in an IT class and the rest in my high school. My math teacher asked me to stay after class a little and I assumed it was because of the last test. (I had a bad feeling I bombed it) I was pleasantly surprised to find out one of his friends (let's call her BO- business owner) needed some help because her new laptop wasn't working and couldn't connect to anything. It seemed simple enough. So I called the number he gave me and didn't get a response, ok I thought BO is probably working. A few days later I call again no answer still but I get a voicemail the next day saying the problem. (Her laptop would not turn on and hadn't since the day she got it) This goes on for a couple weeks with usually me calling back as soon as I get out of school or when I woke up. (she would call around 10 in the morning then again around midnight) She however would take days and even up to 3 calls to call back. We never actually got into a call, but she asked if I could come in on the following Monday at noon. (keep in mind that I am in school and don't get out tell 3 along with having track) Here is where everything went down: BO- Hello OP can you come in Monday at noon to fix this since it has been almost a month and it isn't fixed. Also I know I had mentioned possibly giving you $10 an hour for this I don't think I can anymore since you have taken so long. [5 hours later] Me- Hi BO I can not come in Monday at all because I have school and a track meet. The earliest I can come in is either next Friday after 4 or I can come on Sunday around noon. The other option is if you can I can call in about 45 minutes to help over the phone. (This was on a Wednesday night) [Sunday at 4 pm] BO- (screaming) why didn't you come at noon today and I still don't have my laptop working if you do not come in tomorrow at noon I will block your number. At this point I was done with her she screamed at a phone with no one on the other line (I was out with friends because she had never responded) and was threatening to block my number with out responding to calls in any hurry. [2 hours later after getting home] Me- Hi I'm sorry that your laptop still is not working but I can still not skip school to come to your shop and help you. If you want to block my number it is ok because I have no loss in this. If your computer hasn't been working since the day you got it please try plugging it in (irritated) and make sure you're pressing the power button. Thank you have a great day. [The next day at 1] BO- Hello OP I have tried your suggestions and the battery was dead. Moral of the story: I spent a month trying to actually get in a phone call to end up it not being charged. facepalm [link] [comments]  |
| Sure, they'll listen to you crying on the phone.... Posted: 30 Jan 2020 03:45 PM PST *obligatory first post stuff etc...* Not as wild as some other stories here, but I still don't understand that man... Soo... $me used to work at $Company where I was a student worker on SD. The way it worked is, the $Company promised 24/7 support (and maintenance), but at night only employed students to pick up the phone (we were cheaper, duh). We had other tasks too, but those don't really matter in this story. We also had a contract with $AnotherCompany (Insurance company, they had agents who... idk exactly what they did but they negotiated with clients and used some system to... well, to sell insurances), who also promised 24/7 support, except outside work hours their calls were redirected to a phone in our office, where we were instructed to pick it up, and tell the caller that random filler text about not having technician available, but we'll write a ticket for them, and they'll look at it ASAP. And that was it. We all knew the technician will be available only at 8:00 next weekday, but we couldn't tell this to the customer. Now, this out of the way, this is a Saturday morning, around 6:00, $me laying in the chair minding my own business, when the $AnotherCompany phone rings, and the act begins. $Me: Hello, this is $me, service desk. $InsuranceDude: Hello, this is $ID, and the system doesn't work! $Me: Could you elaborate please? We have no technician available at the moment, but I can write a ticket for you so that when one does become available, they can start working immediately. $ID: *click* not a minute, and... the phone rings $Me: Hello, this is $me, service desk. $ID: Hello, this is $ID, and the system doesn't work! $Me: It's me again, We have no technician available at the moment, but I can write a ticket for you so that when one does become available, they can start working immediately. $ID: Look, I know that there is a technician sitting next to you, this is important, the system doesn't work! $Me: Sir, I can assure you, there is no technician next to me. I'm not an employee of $AnotherCompany, we just handle the calls when there is no technician available. $ID: (sighs) : Okay, look, the system doesn't work! $Me: (pulls up the ticketing system for $AC) Which system are we talking about? $ID: (obviously panicked voice) THE SYSTEM! IT DOESNT WORK! $Me: Yes, but... can you tell me the name of the system so I can write it down? ($AC is a huge company, they had many branches, I knew that "the system" could refer to... well, too many things. $ID: (starts the monologue) Look. I started the meeting with the client at a pre-booked date /yes, Saturday 6 in the morning/ , we sit down, I try to sell them an insurance, and the system doesn't work. I CANT SELL THEM THIS WAY. Do you know how embarrassing it is? I'm here with the client and can't get into the system. $Me: Sir, I understand your frustration, but if you tell me which system has this problem, I can write a ticket for the technicians... $ID: (without acknowledgingthat I exist) ... And I am one of THE BEST insurance agents in the country and can't log into the system? What does the client think about me now? This is a joke! We had to re-book! do you understand? $Me tried to say something, but not today... $ID continues, his voice starts to tremble: ...And you know what? You know what I'll do after this? I'll put the phone down, go home, sit down and CRY! I'll CRY because this is UNREAL! (his voice made me believe he'll do just as he said) *the next 15 (!!) minutes were him... well, basically using every possible permutation of the above 3 monologues with me sometimes trying to say something, sometimes just an "uhm" while his voice is on the verge of crying, when finally...* $ID got bored of his act, and asked me again if there is an available technician $Me: Not likely, no. $ID: But when they come... *sniff* They'll listen to the missed calls won't they? $Me: Not likely, I'm here to write the ticket for them so they'll just read that and start to work. Upon hearing this, the guy INSTANTLY changes back into the "businessman voice" , he tells me THE EXACT PROBLEM in TWO SENTENCES, and puts the phone down. I was just sitting there, looking at my monitor, then started laughing. [link] [comments]  |
| Posted: 30 Jan 2020 02:48 PM PST For some context, I am in a program at my high school where students help teachers and other students with their technology. I've helped out in some pretty tough cases, but this one is just plain dumb. Today, I was assigned to help a teacher out with her projector, computer, and speaker. All of the information I am given is, "It doesn't work." My first instinct is to test the projector because that was what was with me. I plug it in, turn it on, and it works. I then head to the teacher with the projector and start connecting it to power. She tells me that the computer's display won't output directly to the projector. Simple enough, I tell her that she needs to check the "mirror internal display" setting in the device's settings. This is being done on a Chromebook, for clarification. She then tells me that her speakers "aren't playing sound." Also simple. I check the knobs on the speaker. For reference, this is an Anchor AN-100 speaker, you can look that up. It has three knobs, one for volume, another for treble, and then the last one is for bass. I see that the volume knob is turned all the way down. Inside my head at this point, I am pretty much face palming. She didn't know how to adjust the volume. So I explained to her how to adjust the volume. She then tested the sound and it was working. She thanked me and I left. I don't think I've dealt with anything dumber than that. [link] [comments]  |
| Posted: 30 Jan 2020 09:50 AM PST So I'm not a tech support person, I'm a paralegal/secretary in a small business/legal firm that basically does whatever is needed for the company. When I say small business, I mean small. The team is basically me, my boss, and my boss's brother. We have another older gentleman who comes in part-time but he doesn't even know how to use the printer. This story concerns me and my boss's brother. The brother is a well-educated man, three degrees and a successful small-town lawyer, however, he very much lacks common sense. One day I was in the office just doing my thing and the boss's brother comes in asks for some help with the computer. Boss's Brother: "Would you happen to know anything about computers?" Me: "Well, I know a little. Is something wrong?" Boss's Brother: "The computer (in the back office that we print from) isn't working." Me: "What's the computer doing?" *There had been a large storm the night before and the city electric goes off very easily and that can sometimes mess with electronics* Boss's Brother: "The screen is black." *At this point, I'm walking to the back office to look at the computer* Me: "Well, maybe it got damaged in the lightning storm last night? Did the tower make any noise when you turned it on?" Boss's Brother: "Uh no -" *At this point I'm thinking maybe the monitor came unplugged or something but before he can answer me I get to the back office and look at the tower and it's not even on.* Boss's brother: "I'm not sure I turned it on." Me: "Well that might be your problem." I boot up the computer and the monitor works fine. He didn't speak to me for the rest of the day. As a bonus, my boss's brother also asked me to help fix the printer once. It's one of those big industrial size printers that you see in larger offices. It wasn't printing and when I looked at the screen to see the problem the printer said the side door was open so I closed the door and it worked right away. Boss's brother: "And you said you didn't know how to fix it!" Because evidently being able to look at a picture and close a door counts as fixing printers. [link] [comments]  |
| Posted: 30 Jan 2020 10:47 AM PST So I work at a very small, local non-profit in a small city. I'm not hired as tech support, but as the only staff member under 25 (everyone else is at least 50) I kind of end up acting as tech support for any minor issue. This story happened a couple weeks ago, and seeing a post about printers printing "weird characters" that turned out to be a paper border reminded me of it. Cast is $Me: Me $OM: Our office manager who is amazing, but sadly not fantastic with computers I'm upstairs working away at my desk when $OM beeps me on the intercom. $OM: Hey, OP, I was wondering if you could come help me with something on my computer. $ME: Yeah, for sure! What's up? $OM: Well, I was just typing an email, and all of a sudden it started typing weird emojis! $ME: Uhh okay hm. I'm not sure off the top of my head, but I'll run down and take a look! $OM: Great! Thanks so much. I hang up the intercom and trot downstairs to the front desk where $OM is frowning at her screen. I'm thinking that she might have accidentally switched to the emoji keyboard or something, so I plan on asking her if she bumped the keyboard or anything on accident first thing. That is, until she shows me the email. I glance up to check the font and, sure enough, it says "Wingdings 1" plain as day. I explain what happened and change the font back for her. $OM: Oh my, I've never even heard of Windigs? Or whatever you called them. Strange! Well thank you so much, OP! $ME: Of course! I'm happy to help. I head back to my desk with a chuckle. I'm still not really sure how someone changes the font that drastically without knowing that's what they did, but oh well. If nothing else, I'm glad I could help out a beloved coworker! [link] [comments]  |
| When a customer finally does what you asked! Posted: 30 Jan 2020 11:15 AM PST Hello everyone! I work as tech support for one of the major Croatian ISPs. Most of the time I'm taking incoming calls or dealing with outgoing ones. Today, I was answering mails sent to our helpdesk related to web hosting. This usually comes as a much needed break from the phone. I spent 2 hours going back and forth with a customer who didn't how to locally save a bounce message and send it as an attachment. He's the CEO of his company, "can" handle his own tech support but cannot save a message. At this point, I had given up hope for humanity. Alas, another mail came in and it was about not being able to create a subdomain. I created it just fine so I sent him an email asking for more detail, what was he doing? Which error was he seeing? I expected something along the lines of "I do it regurlarly, like any other" with no specification whatsoever because apparently reading comperhension is a fairy tale. Not even 10 minutes later, this dude sends a full blow HD video with him marking every step. I. Was. In. Awe. He just needed to add the subdomain to the DNS zone, which I told him. To which he replies with a thank you note. It's the little things that make your day when you work in a call center. [link] [comments]  |
| Posted: 30 Jan 2020 06:16 AM PST We get a ticket, from one huge company that use our server product, saying: we cannot log into server. We ask them to test various things, try LDAP user, try local user, try Administrator which is the root user that come with the server installation, all fail. We suggest a remote session for us to snoop into the customer environment, and first thing we ask them is to actually show us the process of them reproducing the issue, i.e. try to log in and fail. Customer share their screen and, browse to server login page, type in Administrator, type what seem to be the password (we do not see it), and indeed – a red message pop and say authentication failed. We ask the customer to do the same again, but this time something clicked: Me: "Hold on please. Before you press submit, what is that user?" Customer: "Administrator" Me: "What are these two dots over the 'o' ?" Customer: "… ehh, I'm on German keyboard…" Me: "OK lets try that again, this time with English keyboard?" Customer: "Sorry for that" Edit: bit of wording [link] [comments]  |
| Why are you asking so many questions? Just fix it!! Posted: 30 Jan 2020 09:05 AM PST New to the sub, good day everyone! So about 30 mins ago I started helping a customer with what turned out to be a self inflicted problem due to their lack of using their brain which resulted in a pretty big mess in payroll. Of course she was blaming it on recently installed updates which was not the case which made it even more satisfying when I proved that it was user error. Anyway, from the very beginning of the call she just wasn't nice at all. I said "good morning" and she said "It'll be good when you fix this". I'm pretty sure my eyeroll broke the sound barrier. Lol So I am asking some questions trying to get as much information from her as I can in order to make sure I understand the full scope of the issue and come up with a plan to resolve it. I get to my third question to which her reply was very loud "WHY ARE YOU ASKING SO MANY QUESTIONS? JUST FIX IT ALREADY!!". Of course my reply was calm and measured "I apologize for the questions. Even though they might not seem relevant to you, I assure you it is important so I make sure we take appropriate action to resolve the issue in the proper manner, especially being we are working on a payroll problem". She answered the questions from that point, but with a very irritated condescending tone and a lot of huffing and puffing each time. Nice way to start off my day! Lol [link] [comments]  |
| Giving an old guy a heart atack Posted: 30 Jan 2020 09:40 AM PST I was at a non-technical not important meeting before my office opens. After hours calls ring on my cell phone. Get a call from one of my large clients. It is my favorite (non-ironic) clients. A sweet lady that is a bit nervous, but she gives me hugs and baked goods. She said that when she goes to open files there are files that have squiggly lines in front of the name. My Brain goes from 0 to 100 and thinking encryptor virus. I am 10 minutes from their office and my laptop in in my bag so it would take me about the same amount of time to remote into their server. I tell her to turn off her PC and I take off. In my mind I an canceling everything for the day and going through the DR plan. Rush over to her facility. Get there in 9 minutes. Her PC is off and I notice everyone else is working. Go onto another PC and the shared file are still there. Relaxed enough to go to the restroom. Get on her PC and have her login. Her PC seems fine. Reconnect to the server and she shows me the files. They were a few files with ~ that she said was not there before. I change the Folder view settings for hidden files and they disappear. Crisis over and she gives me a hug and calls me her knight in shining armor. [link] [comments]  |
| Posted: 30 Jan 2020 12:32 PM PST So the board has a conference phone, but the non technical assistant (NTA) is so non technical that they use brown parcel tape to tape down the power cord. There is no GSM coverage at the site. The tale continues... NTA: The board needs a new conference phone. The old one is broken. No make it two, one for this meeting room & one for the long meeting room Long meeting room is .5mile away. Tech: okay, I'll take a look. Tech: finds phone in cupboard & peels brown tape from the cable, and spots that the low voltage cable has been pulled from the strain relief on side of the brick causing the conductors to short. There is no extension cord in the cupboard & NTA must have stretched LV wires. Tech takes PSU & phone back to office to source replacement Tech: finds replacement online & files for a PO, so it can be bought. PO request is sent high priority on a Thursday afternoon with note that it is for the board Finance: ... Weekend happens NTA: (on phone, Monday morning) there is a board meeting tomorrow at 1730, will the phone work? Tech: finance hasn't approved it yet. The delivery on it is 3 days, won't be here on time, we will see what we can do. Tech: orders off-brand replacement for next day courier delivery from electronics firm after measuring DC jack. Went to finance office to ensure it got approved fast (also required for credit card purchases) Next day Tech opens package, tries powering on phone. DC jack won't fit Tech: swears Tech: *files product for return & goes to notify finance in office. Runs into NTA at finance. NTA: Freaks out Tech: assures NTA that we will see what we can do & keep to them in the loop Tech: does surgery on PSU low voltage with electrical tape, thinking all long how fast this would fail a PAT test & how it managed to get through the last one. Tech: goes to conference room to test phone with frankinstein PSU. Tech: finds factory new, replacement PSU in phone storage cupboard Tech: facepalms Tech: sets up phone on table & runs extension cord, taping it down with duct tape Tech: Hey NTA, I found a new PSU for the phone & it is now working NTA: good. Tech: goes back to tech support office and beelines for sweetie stash in corner Tech: note to self: get duct tape for the board [link] [comments]  |
| I became tech support at a local rec center despite only basic knowledge of computers. Posted: 30 Jan 2020 07:42 AM PST I used to work at a local rec center a few years ago. We had a Computer room with about 20 or so computers. My job was to supervise the users, and make sure the people didn't break anything, or look at anything NSFW. It was fairly easy to be honest, and I was even able to sneak on during my off time and play some games too. I knew a little bit about computers, but I couldn't HTML or defrag something to save my life. We had an actual IT guy who would come in and clean up the computers once a week. Sometimes I had to do basic things, like if a kid complained about the computer not working properly, or running to slow, I would just restart it, and bam it would start working fine. If a computer wouldn't turn on, I changed the power supply cord, and like magic it started working again. If we got a new computer, i could plug everything in the proper holes first try (because it was colour coordinated). For a while I was the only one they scheduled to work the computer room. One day my boss called me into his office. I thought I was in trouble, but he was actually asking me about an issue he was having on his computer. I don't remember exactly what it was, but I do remember that I had no clue how to fix it, I clicked through a few things, and eventually I restarted it, and that fixed the problem. He was so grateful that he paid for my lunch as a thank you, even though I really didn't do anything. My fellow co-workers started asking me how to fix their problems they were having at home, and I somehow was know as the computer fixer guy. Luckily I left before any serious issues arose, but I still got the odd call from some of my ex co-workers for a while. "Did you try turning it off then on?" [link] [comments]  |
| The sound is bad, what could the reason be? Posted: 30 Jan 2020 02:03 PM PST First post and english is not my first language, so please be kind. Also, I'm not really techsupport, just a general aide, so I hope it fits here. Also TLDR at the bottom, although the story isn't that long. I work at a company that holds advanced trainings for different groups of people. This time, not everyone was able to fit in our largest room, so the presentation was broadcast to another room. This happens maybe once every few years, so we weren't used to all the trouble it causes. Everything was tested beforehand and worked just fine. The speaker got a mic that he could hang around his neck. The presentation started. BC- room that only got the broadcast version LR- large room with live presentation SG- some guy MS-my superior Half an hour into the presentation, SG in the BC comes outside and tells us, that the sound is really bad. I try turning up the volume, but the surrounding sound gets louder, too and you understand even less. I tell MS. He goes to the tech room where our sound equipment is and tries to regulate the sound. It doesn't work. At that time, the people in the BC start a riot. SG tells me to get inside and asks the other people, whether they agree that the sound is awful. Everyone agrees. Some of them start packing their stuff. SG tells me that we did an awful job and that it's not okay to have such an event at our place if we can't handle it. Then half of the people leave the room and go to LR, which is already full, so they sit down on the stairs, which is a huge fire hazard. MS runs between the rooms many times, trying to find a solution, until finally, breaktime arrives. Now, we can look up whether the problem lies within the microphones. There is a microphone on the speaker's desk, which is working just fine. But the speaker wouldn't stay at the desk during the presentation. So he needed the mic hanging around his neck. We ask him if we can have it for a second. He gives it to us. It is turned on. But it is muted. The speaker forgot to press the button on the mic. TLDR: People start a riot because the sound is bad. I later find out someone forgot to turn on the mic. [link] [comments]  |
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